To be honest, I'm not the one who should be giving you advice for I feel the exact same way right now, I'm just surprised/shocked that no one has responded to your post.

Actually, I haven't been on this site since July and have never posted or responded to anything but for some reason here I am and I'm responding to yours.

I find meds just "mask" the problem for you still have those bad thoughts and feelings and talking to "shrinks" well, I just tell them what they want to hear or I'd be broke. I too have turned to alcohol to just try and mellow out, it does work but I'm starting a lot earlier in the day then I use to.

I do believe though that it comes down to being my choice and if I choose this lifestyle then so be it, it's nobody's fault but my own. But I think I'm worth a lot more, if not to others, then at least to myself and I have to find the positives that have been burried for a very long time.

Hope this sparks a light.