I just need to talk

[Harrison]

I'm 56, male and have been depressed as far back as I can remember. I know I am not adding anything new to this forum, I just need to talk.

I haven't found work in four years, I am now out of money and bills to pay, like rent, If something doesn't happen soon, I will be living on the streets. I must add, I have worked all my life, I have never been fired from a job, and I really believe I am very good at what I do. I am not wanted or needed any longer, my depression has gotten continually worse, I am on three Prozc and one Wellbutrin every day and have been for the last seven years.

I have been reading these forums and see a lot of very brave people here who are going through some very hard times. What I feel is much the same as what everyone else has been feeling. I am so weak, I can't stay awake, I am so afraid of going to work, getting yelled at, made to feel very stupid. I am not a very smart person, not like most of the people I have met, so I am sure that doesn't help my self-esteem, what little I have.

I do think of suicide a lot and if it wasn't for my son and sister, I would take in more serious, but I couldn't take my life, they would die with me and I don't want to see that happen to them. So I am lost, alone, very tired, scared and have given up.

Not that I have added anything important here, but this is who I am.