Hi there, its not uncommon that when there are many things going on or being dealt with at once, (even past issues brought up) that it can be overwhelming and its not unlikely that your dealing with some severe depression from the sound of it. I'm really sorry to hear that you had to deal with those hardships in your past, it must have been really difficult but seeing that you are doing as well as you are holding down a job, having a gf means your a strong person! Even if you doubt that right now.
I know what its like to feel crazy when a lot of things happen at once, as I just had that happen and in fact I still have that problem but I'm at least focused now about solving it thanks to therapy and clearly defining my problems. I won't get into it because I dont think its necessary but for me it was also something traumatic in my past.
If you feel like you need to tell someone you can private message me, (if they even have that on this site) or better yet have you considered talking to a therapist? She can help you understand your fears in your relationship and how or if they are tied to your past. Sometimes simply getting it out to someone goes a long long way. It also helps put it into perspective by just writing it down as well.
I know how it is when everyday is a struggle to get out of bed but good for you for getting out of bed! Getting out goes a long way in order to not get deeper into the depression. If you hate your job have you considered changing jobs or going to back to school or something that might make you happy even like a hobby or activity? I don't know if my advice is a huge help but in the last couple months I'm in your (similar) shoes so I felt like I should at least share with you what I've been told myself.
I wish you good luck in dealing with this and feeling better feel free to keep in touch
xxxx
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